My Child Is Being Bullied—And I Had No Idea: The 7 Signs Every Parent Needs to Know

 

The Text Message That Changed Everything

I was making dinner when my phone buzzed. A message from another mom: "I thought you should know—some kids have been picking on Paul at recess. My son told me they pushed him today."

Paul. My sweet, quiet 9-year-old son.

I immediately called him downstairs. "Paul, honey, is someone bothering you at school?"

He looked at the floor. "It's not a big deal, Mom."

"How long has this been going on?"

Long pause. "Since September."

It was now January. For four months, my child had been dealing with bullies, and I'd completely missed it.

The Devastating Truth About Childhood Bullying

Here's what kept me up that night: I wasn't a neglectful parent. I talked to Paul every day about school. I asked how his day went. I stayed involved.

But I'd been asking the wrong questions. And Paul, like most bullied children, had been hiding the truth.

The statistics are alarming:

According to the CDC's most recent data from 2021-2023, 34% of teenagers ages 12-17 report being bullied in the past year—that's more than 1 in 3 teens. Among high school students, 19% were bullied on school property and 16% were electronically bullied in 2023.

But here's what really breaks my heart: Only 20-40% of bullied students tell an adult. Most children suffer in silence for months.

And the consequences are severe. Teenagers who were bullied are nearly twice as likely to experience anxiety (29.8%) or depression (28.5%) compared to those who weren't bullied.

Who gets bullied most?

• Girls (38.3%) more than boys (29.9%)
• Younger teens ages 12-14 (38.4%) vs. ages 15-17 (29.7%)
• LGBTQ+ youth (47.1%) vs. non-LGBTQ+ teens (30%)
• Children with developmental disabilities (44.4%) vs. without (31.3%)

The 7 Hidden Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied

Sign #1: Mysterious Physical Complaints on School Days

Before Paul told me about the bullying, he'd been complaining about stomachaches—especially on Monday mornings. I adjusted his diet, gave him antacids, wondered about food sensitivities.

I never connected the dots: the stomachaches only happened on school days and disappeared on weekends.

Research confirms this pattern. According to the CDC, frequent headaches and stomachaches are among the most common warning signs of bullying. When children anticipate facing their bullies, their nervous system triggers fight-or-flight mode—causing real, measurable physical symptoms.

What to watch for: Headaches before school, stomachaches that disappear on weekends, unexplained injuries, torn clothing or damaged belongings.

Sign #2: The "I Don't Want to Go to School" Pattern

Paul started asking to stay home at least twice a week. I thought he was being lazy or avoiding homework.

According to StopBullying.gov, declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, and not wanting to go to school are key bullying indicators.

Warning signs: Begging to stay home multiple times per week, crying before school, taking unusually long to get ready, extreme distress on Sunday evenings.

Sign #3: Sudden Social Changes

Paul used to talk about his friends constantly. Then gradually, he stopped. When I'd ask, he'd shrug: "Fine." "Nothing." "I don't know."

He stopped asking for playdates, stopped wanting to go to birthday parties, became withdrawn.

Watch for: Suddenly having no one to sit with at lunch, not being invited to parties, former friends excluding them, avoiding activities they used to love.

Sign #4: Declining Grades and Lost Interest in School

Paul's grades slipped from A's and B's to B's and C's. His teacher said he seemed "distracted" and wasn't participating.

Research confirms that repeated peer aggression significantly hampers student academic achievement, particularly in mathematics. The mental energy required to stay alert for bullying leaves little capacity for learning.

Academic red flags: Grades dropping without explanation, no longer participating in class, "forgetting" homework, refusing group projects.

Sign #5: Changes in Eating or Sleeping

Paul started having trouble sleeping—lying awake for hours, having nightmares about school. He also stopped eating lunch. I later learned bullies would knock his lunch tray out of his hands or mock him while he ate.

The CDC lists difficulty sleeping and frequent nightmares as common bullying warning signs.

Watch for: Difficulty falling asleep (especially school nights), nightmares about school, dramatic appetite changes, coming home with full lunch boxes.

Sign #6: Emotional Explosions or Shutdown

Some bullied children become explosive at home—irritable, quick to anger. Others shut down completely—withdrawn, quiet, emotionally distant.

Paul did both. Some days he'd snap at his sister over nothing. Other days, he'd go straight to his room after school and barely speak.

Emotional warning signs: Increased irritability, crying easily, emotional withdrawal, expressing worthlessness ("I'm stupid," "Nobody likes me"), excessive anxiety.

Sign #7: Technology Anxiety

For older kids, watch their reaction to phones and social media. Do they seem anxious when notifications arrive? Check their phone compulsively then look upset? Suddenly avoid social media they used to enjoy?

Recent data shows 16% of high school students were electronically bullied in 2023, and among students bullied at school, about 1 in 5 also report online bullying.

Digital signs: Emotional distress after using devices, being secretive online, avoiding social media, receiving cruel messages, abruptly deleting accounts.

The Conversation That Saved My Son

After that mom texted me, I sat Paul down without interrogating him. I said:

"Paul, I love you so much. If someone is making school hard for you, that's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm here to help, not to be mad."

That's when he told me everything.

Questions that helped:

• "What's the hardest part of your school day?" (not "How was school?")
• "Is there anyone at school who's unkind to you?"
• "Do you feel safe at school?"

The key was removing shame and blame. Bullied children often feel it's somehow their fault.

What to Do When You Discover Bullying

Step 1: Document Everything

Keep detailed records: dates, times, what happened, who was involved, where it occurred, witnesses, how your child was affected. This documentation is crucial when talking to school officials.

Step 2: Talk to the School Strategically

Don't go in angry and accusatory—it puts staff on the defensive. Instead:

• Request a meeting with teacher and counselor
• Present documentation calmly
• Focus on your child's safety
• Ask about the school's anti-bullying policy
• Request a specific action plan with follow-up dates

I said: "I need your help protecting my son. Here's what's been happening. What steps can we take together to make sure he's safe?"

That collaborative approach got results.

Step 3: Empower Your Child

You can't tell them to "just ignore it" or "stand up for yourself"—research shows that rarely works.

What does help:

• Role-playing responses to bullying
• Teaching them to remove themselves from situations safely
• Identifying trusted adults at school
• Building self-esteem through activities they're good at
• Creating support systems outside school

We enrolled Paul in martial arts—not to fight back, but to build confidence.

Step 4: Consider Professional Support

If your child shows signs of anxiety or depression from bullying, don't wait. The CDC emphasizes that bullied teenagers are nearly twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression, making professional support critical.

Paul saw a therapist for several months. It helped him process the trauma and understand it wasn't his fault.

Step 5: Monitor and Follow Up

Bullying doesn't usually stop overnight. Keep checking in with your child and school. Make sure the action plan is being followed.

What If Your Child Is the Bully?

Children who bully are also struggling—they're often dealing with their own pain, insecurity, or chaos at home.

Warning signs: Frequent trouble for aggressive behavior, showing little empathy, overly concerned with popularity, having new belongings they can't explain, being secretive online, becoming defensive when confronted.

What to do: Take it seriously, have honest conversations about empathy, consider therapy, enforce appropriate consequences, supervise social interactions more closely.

Getting your child help now can change their entire life trajectory.

Why I'm Sharing This Story

Paul is okay now. It took time, support, and difficult conversations, but he's thriving. He has friends. He likes school again. He feels safe.

But I share this story because four months is too long for any child to suffer in silence.

National data shows bullying occurs at least once a week in 28% of middle schools, 15% of high schools, and 10% of elementary schools. This affects millions of children.

If even one parent reads this and recognizes these signs in their child—if even one child gets help sooner—sharing our story is worth it.

The Resources You Need

In my book Positive Minds: A Step-By-Step Guide to Mental Wellness for Children, I devote an entire section to bullying—including word-for-word scripts for difficult conversations, guidance on working with schools, and strategies for rebuilding your child's confidence after bullying.

Because no child should face this alone. And no parent should feel as helpless as I did.

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If your child is being bullied, don't wait. Talk to them today. Contact their school. Get professional help if needed.

Your child is counting on you to notice, to care, and to act.

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References:

1. Haile, G., Arockiaraj, B., Zablotsky, B., & Ng, A.E. (2024). Bullying victimization among teenagers: United States, July 2021–December 2023. NCHS Data Brief, No. 514. https://doi.org/10.15620/cdc/168510
2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary & Trends Report: 2013–2023. https://www.cdc.gov/yrbs/dstr/index.html
3. PACER Center. (2025). Bullying Statistics. https://www.pacer.org/bullying/info/stats/
4. StopBullying.gov. (2024). Facts About Bullying. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/facts
5. Child Mind Institute. (2024). Anxious Stomachaches and Headaches. https://childmind.org/article/anxious-stomach-aches-and-headaches/
6. British Journal of Educational Psychology. (2022). Peer aggression and student academic achievement.
7. South Denver Therapy. (2025). Bullying & Cyberbullying Statistics (2025). https://www.southdenvertherapy.com/blog/bullying-cyberbullying-statistics
8. Burr, R., Kemp, J., & Wang, K. (2024). Crime, Violence, Discipline, and Safety in U.S. Public Schools (NCES 2024-043). National Center for Education Statistics.

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